The We Do guide to planning a stag
Being asked to run the stag is not an admin task. It is one of your closest friends saying they want you to be the one who does this, and nobody asks somebody they do not trust.
The stag has a worse reputation than it deserves, mostly because the ones that go wrong are the ones people retell for a decade. The mechanics are the same as any weekend away. The failure modes are different, and every one of them is predictable, which means every one is avoidable.
Aim for the weekend he tells the story of in ten years, not the one he explains to his wife in ten days.
Start the group chat before anything else
One group, everyone who is coming, on whatever they already use. Name it something that will not cause a problem if a phone is face up on a kitchen table.
Pin one message and keep it current: date, all-in cost, what it covers, address, and the two phone numbers that matter. People will still ask, and you will reply with one word.
Keep the groom in a separate, smaller chat. He should know the date, the cost and what to pack. He should not watch eleven people fail to choose a restaurant.
Ask him three things, then decide the rest
Roughly when. Roughly how many. And the one worth more than the rest of your planning put together: is there anyone who has to be there, and anyone who really should not be.
Then stop asking and start deciding. Most grooms want to be told what to bring and when to be ready, not sent four cottages to rank.
The money conversation, privately and first
The most common reason people drop out is cost, and almost nobody says so. They say work is busy.
Ask each person privately what they can spend, all in, and build to the lowest answer rather than the average. You will lose nobody and you will find out who is stretching.
Write down what the number does not cover. If drinks are extra, say drinks are extra. People budget for the number they are told.
A one-day stag that works
Everyone can come, nobody books a hotel, and it costs a fifth of a weekend.
- 11:30 Meet somewhere easy with a coffee, not a pub, the day is long
- 12:30 One activity, booked, with a start time
- 15:00 Food, sitting down, booked. This is the part people actually talk in
- 17:00 The gap: an hour of nothing
- 18:30 Pub, then dinner, in that order and never the other way
- 22:00 Whatever happens, happens. Know where everyone is sleeping
A weekend, Friday to Sunday
Two nights beats one for the same travel cost. Never the weekend before the wedding.
- Friday evening: arrive, drop bags, eat within the hour
- Friday night: low key. Cards, a pub, the football. Do not open at full speed
- Saturday morning: breakfast together, all of you. This is what stops it becoming two separate weekends
- Saturday late morning: the main activity. Anything with an engine or a firearm happens now, before lunch, sober
- Saturday afternoon: free time. People nap, and you should let them
- Saturday evening: the big dinner. Tell the restaurant it is a stag when you book, not when you arrive
- Sunday: breakfast, clear up, home. Nobody drives who was up at three
The pranks question, answered properly
Nothing that ends with him alone, undressed, restrained, without his phone, or without his wallet. Every story that ends in a police station starts with one of those five.
The test is simple: would he tell this as a good story in a year? If you are not sure, he would not.
Handcuffs, public humiliation and anything involving a train have all put people in a cell, and he is getting married in a fortnight with a photographer booked.
The genuinely funny version almost always costs nothing: the terrible shirt, the running joke, the fine system, a printed dossier of his worst haircuts. Make it memorable. It does not have to be unforgettable.
The five things that actually go wrong
All five are avoidable with one phone call each.
- Turning up with eleven people and no booking. Ring ahead and say the word stag
- Booking something with an engine for the afternoon. Most operators will refuse you, correctly, and keep the deposit
- A passport with five months left
- Nobody knowing where anyone is sleeping. One list, pinned
- No slack. One anchor activity a day is enough. Two is a schedule, three is a coach trip
The checklist
Counted back from the stag itself, not the wedding.
- Ten weeks: agree who is planning it, with a second person, and ask him the three questions
- Nine weeks: private budget message to every guest
- Eight weeks: offer two dates, never the weekend before the wedding
- Seven weeks: choose the shape, book accommodation, read the cancellation terms
- Six weeks: invitations out with the real all-in cost
- Five weeks: book the anchor activity, tell the restaurant it is a stag, pay deposits
- Three weeks: collect the money, check passports, sort any waivers
- Two weeks: agree what is off limits, out loud, in the chat
- One week: send the plan, times, address, what to bring, both numbers, who sleeps where
- On the day: one on the plan, one on the money, and end it early
Common questions
Who plans the stag do?
Traditionally the best man, and it goes far better with a second person: one to decide, one to chase.
When should the stag do be?
Two months to two weeks before the wedding, and never the weekend before. The groom will spend it anxious and the hangover lands in the week he cannot afford one.
How much does a stag do cost?
Whatever the person with the least to spend can afford. Ask everyone privately and build to the lowest number rather than the average, or you will quietly lose people.
What stag pranks should you avoid?
Anything that leaves him alone, undressed, restrained, or without his phone or wallet. If you are unsure whether he would tell it as a good story in a year, he would not.
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