Where do I start with wedding planning?
Congratulations. If you have landed here you are probably somewhere between delighted and slightly panicked, and you may have already been sent a checklist with two hundred things on it by somebody who meant well.
Ignore it for now. Almost everything on that list depends on five decisions you have not made yet, and once you make them, most of the list decides itself.
This works for any kind of wedding: one day or five, a register office or a gurdwara, thirty people or three hundred.
One. Roughly how much, and who is putting it in
This is first because it decides everything after it, and because it is the conversation couples most want to put off. You do not need a spreadsheet. You need one honest number and an answer to who is contributing.
Family money often comes with expectations attached, spoken or not. Asking early what a contribution means, rather than assuming, is the single kindest thing you can do for the next twelve months.
If you have no idea what things cost, start from the total you are comfortable with and work down, not from a list of suppliers and up. The list will always be longer than the money.
Two. Roughly how many people
Guest numbers are the hidden multiplier. Every extra person is a seat, a meal, a drink, a favour and a slice of cake, so a hundred and twenty is not slightly more expensive than eighty, it is a different wedding.
Do not write the list yet. Just say a number out loud, together, and notice whether you flinched. Then write the list and see how far off you were, because almost everyone is.
Three. How many days, and which parts matter
A great many UK weddings are one day. A great many others are three or five, because a mehndi, a nikah and a walima are not one event split up, they are separate occasions with their own guests and their own suppliers.
Decide which events you are genuinely having before you look at a single venue, because a venue that suits a ceremony and a sit-down dinner may be useless for a sangeet the night before.
If two families or two faiths are involved, this is the conversation to have gently and early. It is nearly always easier than people fear, and nearly always worse when left.
Four. Roughly when
A season is enough to start. You do not need a date until you have somewhere to put it, and in practice the date is usually chosen by whichever of your key places has a Saturday free.
Two things set the floor. In England and Wales you must give notice at your register office at least 29 days before you marry, and that appointment itself books up weeks ahead. And the places that go first, which are the venue, the photographer and the caterer, are usually gone a year out for a summer Saturday.
Five. The one place everything else hangs off
Every wedding has one booking that fixes the rest. Sometimes it is a venue. For a Sikh wedding it is usually the gurdwara, which takes one wedding a day. For a church it is the date the vicar can do. For a mosque it may be the imam rather than the room.
Find yours and book it. The moment it is booked, a hundred vague questions turn into real ones with dates attached, and planning stops being a fog.
What you can safely ignore for now
None of this is urgent yet, whatever the internet tells you.
- Colour schemes, table plans and favours
- The dress, the suit and anything that needs fitting
- Your first dance
- Anything at all to do with flowers
- Comparing yourself to a wedding you saw online
Common questions
What should I do first after getting engaged?
Tell the people you want to tell, and enjoy it for a week or two. Then have one honest conversation about roughly how much you want to spend and who is contributing, because every other decision depends on it.
How far in advance should you plan a wedding?
Twelve to eighteen months is comfortable in the UK, mainly because the venue, photographer and caterer go first for summer Saturdays. Shorter is entirely possible with a weekday, a winter date, or a smaller guest list.
What is the very first thing to book?
The one place everything else hangs off. Usually the venue, but for many weddings it is the gurdwara, the church, the mosque or the register office, because those have the least flexibility.
Do we need a wedding planner?
Most UK couples do not. What people actually need is one place where the plan, the guest list, the budget and the suppliers live together, so nothing falls down the back of a group chat.
Ready to start?
Plan every event, guest and tradition in one calm place. Free to start, no credit card.
Start planning, free